Contents
What Is Domestic Adoption?
Ideal Adoptive-Parent Qualities
Legalities of Adoption
Domestic Infant Adoption
Foster-to-Adopt Adoption
Open Adoption
Other Issues in Adoption
How to Finance an Adoption
After Your Child Comes Home
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- Learn the lingo and erase your fears and misconceptions about adoption
- Brief yourself on the legalities and financial requirements of adoption
- Find out how to make your child’s transition home as smooth as possible
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What Is Domestic Adoption?
Adoption is the process by which adults become legal parents to children who are not theirs biologically. Domestic adoption refers to the adoption of children who are citizens of the same country as the prospective parents. The adoption process is complicated and depends on the circumstances that have made the child available for adoption.
Domestic Infant Adoption
Domestic infant adoption involves infants (usually 6 months of age or younger) whose birth parents have surrendered them voluntarily. Hopeful adoptive parents usually participate actively in domestic infant adoption even before the baby is born. They may create a profile (a detailed portfolio about themselves and their interest in becoming parents) to advertise themselves for an adoption situation. In most domestic infant adoptions, there is some contact between birth and adoptive parents, such as telephone calls, cards, letters, or post-placement face-to-face visits. The cost of domestic infant adoption ranges from a few thousand to tens of thousands of dollars.
Foster-to-Adopt Adoption
In foster-to-adopt programs, children who are available for adoption have been removed from their birth parents’ care due to abuse or neglect. Though some infants are found in foster-to-adopt programs, most of the children in these programs are older. Not all children in foster care are legally free for adoption—depending on the program, there may be some risk when adoptive parents accept a placement. Foster-to-adopt programs are run by government or government-contracted agencies and are free or involve only nominal fees.
A Note About International Adoption
International adoption is the process by which prospective parents seek to adopt a child from a foreign country. The criteria, cost of adoption, and types of children available through international adoption programs vary widely from country to country. Though the majority of this guide pertains to domestic adoption, some of it does apply to international adoption as well. For more specific information on international adoption, see the Quamut on International Adoption.
People Involved in a Domestic Adoption
There are a number of people involved in the domestic adoption process. They include:
- Adoptive parents: These adults assume the legal role of parents.
- Birth parents: These are the child's biological parents.
- Social workers: The adoption process usually requires more than one social worker. At the very least, someone works with the adoptive parents to supervise a home study and do post-placement visits, and someone else is assigned to oversee the needs of the birth parents and/or child.
- Attorney: You’ll need a lawyer to handle the legalities of the adoption even if you choose to adopt through an agency or facilitator. The level of involvement that the lawyer has in an adoption depends on the kind of adoption a family chooses.
- Facilitator: Some families seeking a domestic infant adoption may use the services of an adoption facilitator. A facilitator works as a matchmaker between hopeful adoptive parents and potential birth parents. Facilitators cannot do home studies or advise families legally—their fees cover matchmaking alone.
Adoption Language
The language of adoption is a complicated, sensitive topic. Though there are common terms used by most adoption professionals, the issues surrounding labels in the world of adoption are ever-changing.
Common Term |
Other Appropriate Terms |
Outdated Terms |
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Adoptee |
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Adoptive parent |
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Birth parent |
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Placed for adoption |
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Adoption triad |
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*In recent years, both birth and adoptive parents have begun to use the term “natural
parent,” so it may be appropriate depending on the social context.
Use of the Term “Birth Mother”
Many adoption professionals caution that it’s inappropriate to use the term birth mother in domestic infant adoption before the mother surrenders the child officially. Though adoption literature still commonly uses “birth mother” to refer to a woman considering an adoption plan for her unborn child, the term expectant mother is becoming more common. Using “birth mother” before the pregnant woman signs the surrender of parental rights encourages her to distance herself from her unborn baby, which might impact her decision.
Fears, Considerations, and Expectations About Adoption
Adoption is a huge emotional undertaking. Most potential adoptive parents enter into an exploration of adoption with many worries and concerns. It’s normal to be cautious when assessing the possibility of such a major life event as adoption.
- Have realistic expectations about adoption: By reading about adoption in books and online, meeting with other parents who have adopted through similar programs, and speaking with adoption professionals, you can adjust your expectations to the reality of the adoption experience and ease some of the challenges involved. Doing so can also help you to prepare for the reality of dealing with birth parents, social workers, and the typical developmental experiences that adoptive children face.
- Face your fears about adoption: Sometimes, you might be reluctant to ask your social worker or attorney for help because you worry that expressing your fears will make you seem unready to adopt. But your adoption professional should be your best resource—if you don’t feel comfortable talking to him or her, it may be time to reassess the relationship. Your social worker or attorney should be able to put you in touch with adoption resources in your area and point you toward information that will help put your fears to rest.
Misconceptions About Adoption
As you explore adoption and talk to other adoptive parents, you’ll probably find that your worries are typical. Following are some common misconceptions about adoption.
“Adopting Is Just Like Giving Birth”
Particularly because many parents turn to adoption after experiencing infertility, it’s important to understand that adoption has challenges—and rewards—that differ from having a baby biologically. Children who come to a family through adoption have a history that predates their arrival, even if they’re adopted soon after birth. Adoptive parents and adoptees have the right to grieve the specific losses of adoption, such as the lack of biological ties, ancestral history, and hereditary traits. Doing so will give everyone involved more freedom to celebrate the gifts of adoption.
“Adoptive Children Don't Miss Their Birth Parents”
Studies show that most adopted children wonder about their birth parents. Many of them—especially during adolescence or young adulthood—yearn for a connection to their biological roots. Honoring adoptive children’s feelings and helping them integrate their adoption experience are two of an adoptive parent’s most important jobs.
“Adoptive Children Never Adjust”
It’s usually not the adoption itself but the child’s prior
experiences that present challenges with regard to his or her adjustment. But more often than not, children are resilient. Post-adoption support is especially vital to the adjustment of children with a history of abuse or neglect.
“Adoptions Fail Most of the Time”
Legal adoptions rarely disrupt (i.e., the adoption ends before it’s been legally finalized) or dissolve (i.e., the courts overturn the adoption). Placement failures—when a child is placed in a home but returned to foster care or birth parents before the adoption is completed—are more common. But with an understanding of adoption law and appropriate support, adoptive parents can prepare themselves for this possibility. Taking in a child who isn’t legally free to be
adopted always carries risk. The possibility of such a situation is something that adoptive parents should consider.
“Birth Mothers Often Try to Get Their Babies Back”
Once an adoption is finalized, it can’t be undone by the birth parent. Besides, birth mothers choose adoption because they love their children and want them to have stability. Horror stories about adoptive parents who lose custody of their children to birth parents are really about adoptions that were never completed legally. You can avoid this situation by
understanding both your state's adoption laws and the adoption laws of the state in which the baby was born, securing adequate legal counsel, and making sure that the child’s birth parents get appropriate legal and emotional support.
“Adoptive Parents Don't Love Their Children As Much As Birth Parents Do”
As any adoptive parent will tell you, the love for a child who arrives via adoption is as deep, moving, and multifaceted as the love for biological children.
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